While playing his trumpet of brass,
A musician, (thought of as “class”),
Remembered the art
Of whistling a fart,
So he played one short verse with his arse.
A Collection of Funny, and Sometimes a Little Naughty, Limericks, created by Nigel Sutherland
The Ravenous Crab
A desperately ravenous crab,
Seeing a half-rotted fish, made a grab.
It then found itself stuck
In a trap, out of luck,
And now lies on a Fishmonger's slab.
Barge for Sale
A sailor was selling a barge,
He described as "fantastically large",
He said "It’s not small,
Has a massive great hall,
Plus a sauna, gym, pool, and garage”.
The Innebriated Guardsman
A Snooker Club visit was marred,
By a rather drunk Grenadier Guard,
He placed, while unstable,
His balls on the table,
An action which got himself barred.
The Drunken Lass
Having supped an excess of fine liquors,
(Whilst attending a do at the Vicar’s),
A drunk lass made a mess
Down the front of her dress,
And twenty times worse in her knickers.
The Cocktail Mixer
A barman while mixing a drink,
For a customer, noticed her wink.
He said “Yes we call
It ‘Long Screw Against the Wall’,
But it’s really just not what you think!”.
The Exhibitionist
To the crowd, on a 'Round-the-World' cruise,
A lady showed-off her tattoos,
She went on to say,
“I’m not usually this way,
I can only assume it’s the booze”.
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