A man who liked drawing cartoons,
And listening to avant-garde tunes,
Was somebody who
Would go to the zoo
And sketch the baboons and raccoons
Limerick Lunacy
A Collection of Funny, and Sometimes a Little Naughty, Limericks, created by Nigel Sutherland
Horse and Jockey
Preparing his horse for a race,
The jockey looked straight in its face,
And said “Listen, if you
Don’t want to be glue
You’d better romp home in first place”.
Brass Section
While playing his trumpet of brass,
A musician, (thought of as “class”),
Remembered the art
Of whistling a fart,
So he played one short verse with his arse.
The Ravenous Crab
A desperately ravenous crab,
Seeing a half-rotted fish, made a grab.
It then found itself stuck
In a trap, out of luck,
And now lies on a Fishmonger's slab.
Barge for Sale
A sailor was selling a barge,
He described as "fantastically large",
He said "It’s not small,
Has a massive great hall,
Plus a sauna, gym, pool, and garage”.
The Innebriated Guardsman
A Snooker Club visit was marred,
By a rather drunk Grenadier Guard,
He placed, while unstable,
His balls on the table,
An action which got himself barred.
The Drunken Lass
Having supped an excess of fine liquors,
(Whilst attending a do at the Vicar’s),
A drunk lass made a mess
Down the front of her dress,
And twenty times worse in her knickers.
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The Animal Artist
A man who liked drawing cartoons, And listening to avant-garde tunes, Was somebody who Would go to the zoo And sketch the baboons and...
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A builder who hailed from Dundee, Would involuntarily pee. Halfway up a ladder, He emptied his bladder, And those on the ground had to ...
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A notorious, but musical strumpet, Has been learning to play a brass trumpet, All her clients agree, That to a degree, She’s really quite t...
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A Snooker Club visit was marred, By a rather drunk Grenadier Guard, He placed, while unstable, His balls on the table, An action which got ...