A barman while mixing a drink,
For a customer, noticed her wink.
He said “Yes we call
It ‘Long Screw Against the Wall’,
But it’s really just not what you think!”.
A Collection of Funny, and Sometimes a Little Naughty, Limericks, created by Nigel Sutherland
The Exhibitionist
To the crowd, on a 'Round-the-World' cruise,
A lady showed-off her tattoos,
She went on to say,
“I’m not usually this way,
I can only assume it’s the booze”.
The Dental Appointment
Whilst showing a dentist her teeth,
A lady said “Let’s keep this brief,
Yes, I hope that one day,
We can 'have-it-away',
But, darling, you must wear a sheath.”
The Flirty Casanova
A drunk Casanova would flirt,
With anyone wearing a skirt.
He got his comeuppance,
When offering tuppence,
To a kilt-wearing jock from Tarbert.
The Curious Birder
A particularly curious birder,
Fell to his death from a girder.
He’d been struck on the nose,
By a flock of black crows,
Appropriately known as "a murder".
The Murderous Wife
An incredibly frustrated wife,
Attacked her shocked spouse with a knife.
(She’d heard him admit,
That her cooking was shit),
And he paid for that gaffe with his life.
The Musical Strumpet
A notorious, but musical strumpet,
Has been learning to play a brass trumpet,
All her clients agree,
That to a degree,
She’s really quite talented crumpet.
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The Animal Artist
A man who liked drawing cartoons, And listening to avant-garde tunes, Was somebody who Would go to the zoo And sketch the baboons and...
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A builder who hailed from Dundee, Would involuntarily pee. Halfway up a ladder, He emptied his bladder, And those on the ground had to ...
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A notorious, but musical strumpet, Has been learning to play a brass trumpet, All her clients agree, That to a degree, She’s really quite t...
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A Snooker Club visit was marred, By a rather drunk Grenadier Guard, He placed, while unstable, His balls on the table, An action which got ...